I was never taught how to enjoy extended family. Half of it was a black hole, where I met maybe 2 actual family members. The other half has issues with father. I know there’s a whole lot more going on there than that, but I’ll never know what. I’ve learned more in the time from when my mom was diagnosed with cancer to now (2024) about what “family” really is. I choose to find my family outside of blood. That is until I had my own family. My “extended family” still consists mostly of those that are not blood related.

I don’t find comfort in this fact. It’s not something I enjoy. Do I wish it could have been different? I don’t know. Every family has its issues so I guess ours is no different. With this, though, I lost all sense of culture. I know next to nothing about my father’s side of the family. I think it’s mostly German, but again, just a guess. My mom’s side I know a little bit more. I can’t recall all of the stories, which is really a shame, but I know my blood Grandfather was Irish, and my blood Grandmother was Italian. You’ll notice I say “blood” there. My Grandfather died when I was maybe 8 or so. Before that he spent a few years in a rehab center with machines keeping him alive from my understanding. I didn’t really get to know him. My blood Grandmother lived 1000 miles away so we didn’t see her much. When she was around she always fought with my mom. If my mom’s sisters were there it was even worse. No idea what happened there. Family secret I guess.

Back to why I said “blood”. I spent 10 years growing up in Las Vegas Nevada. (“a” like in add, don’t ask). Here my dad, and then my mom and I, became great friends with the family of one of my dad’s coworkers. They were a bit older and treated me like one of their kids. IIRC they had roughly 9 kids who had grown and had their own kids. They measured their children’s heights on a door frame. They honored my by including me on that door frame. It’s a tradition I’ve taken to doing in my own family. If we move we’ll remove that frame and take it with us. These two people treated me more like family than I had known. Maybe it’s because we saw them more often than my own family. I’m not sure, but I grew to love them. When I talk about my “grandparents” these are the people I refer to. Sadly they have both passed, 6 months apart. We all say Denny died of a broken heart. I will always them. I had the chance to visit their grave when I went back. It brought a sense of comfort to see them lay next to each other, together, forever.

Let’s go back to that lost sense of culture. My wife has a culture that is strong in her family. They all mostly share the same sense of tradition and to some degree values. Things change between generations, we all know that. I wish I’d had that. I’ve always clung to the Italian side of my family. Not sure why. Maybe because I didn’t know my father’s side (wasn’t acknowledged by his parents), and maybe because I wasn’t able to become close with my blood grandfather to learn about the Irish side. This left me with just the Italian side. I can’t complain about that. I love pasta. Is that really enough? No, but I’m sticking with it. There is a family pasta sauce recipe though I don’t recall it being very good. My Aunt passed it to me and one day I’ll add it here just so we have it. She has her own version which I have yet to try. I hope to one day make my own version. I’d like to honor my family that way. Some tie to the lost part of me.

I want to acknowledge that I am also to blame for the lack of “family”. Please don’t think I’m not. I’ve chosen to self-isolate and protect myself. There are a small select few that I do trust and maintain contact with. The rest I either don’t know or don’t trust. So, yes, I am aware that it takes more than one person to make a relationship work.

I have one memory of my blood grandma making her pasta sauce in her kitchen. She made a huge pot. She may have put it in jars after. I don’t remember. I would have been very young at the time. That is a fond memory though, whether it was good or not.

For now this “recipe” is the closest thing I have to my own pasta “recipe”. Once I get the time and energy to make a sauce I will. I’ll share it. We’ve made our own adapted meatball recipe to go with this and that will end up here too. The first shoot didn’t turn out well so I’m not ready to share the pictures. This recipe has become a staple in our house. It is quicker than our pasta bakes, but more involved. I love it though because it’s become our family meal we make together. The Witch and The Dinosaur (she’s a dinosaur right now) make the meatballs while I start the sauce. It’s a fun healing experience. Hopefully I can find some culture of myself to pass on to my children. For now, this recipe and marking their heights, will do.

Ingredients

• 1/4 teaspoon baking soda

• 1/2 lb. 80/20 ground beef

• 1/2 lb. sweet Italian sausage

• 1 lb spaghetti

• 1 24 oz jar of your favorite pasta sauce

• 1 15 oz can of tomato sauce

• 1/4 teaspoon onion powder

• 1/2 teaspoon minced garlic

• 1/4 teaspoon fresh ground pepper

Instructions

1. Before you do anything, sprinkle the 1/4 teaspoon on the 1/2 lb of ground beef. This helps it brown and reduces the fat output.

2. In a large pot cook the 1 lb of spaghetti according to the package instructions. Cook to desired doneness.

3. While the water is boiling, and the pasta is cooking, brown the ground beef and sweet Italian sausage in a large pan. There should be minimal fat/liquid to drain. (drain only if desired)

4. Add the jar of pasta sauce, the can of tomato sauce, onion powder, pepper, and minced garlic to the pan. Stir until they are all mixed well.

5. Simmer on low while the pasta continues to cook

6. Once the pasta is done cooking, drain the water. Do not rinse the pasta.

7. Add the drained, cooked pasta to the sauce and stir until well coated.

8. Serve and enjoy

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