Marbled Chocolate Peanut Butter cookies
Some days the world can feel like it’s all just too much. The last few months have been difficult. I found myself depressed again. My community and identity were lost. Talking felt impossible. “Trip, down the stairs, into hell” sums it up nicely. I’m not ready to go into all of the details as to why I felt the way I did. One of the benefits of therapy, for me, is that I can more easily sense when I’m backsliding. I tend not to slide as far, or as quickly, as I once did either.
I first made these cookies back in April of 2024. The cookies are made up of two different doughs. I just spent time confirming that doughs is indeed the plural of dough. Each dough is basically the opposite of the other. One dough is chocolate with peanut butter chips, while the other dough is peanut butter with chocolate chips. Once each dough is made, you scoop equal parts of each and then roll them together to make the cookie. This gives the cookie the marbled appearance.
Since you have two different doughs this recipe does make a shit load of cookies. Pro tip: bake half of the cookies and then portion out the others, pop them into a bag (make sure you date it) and pop them in the freezer. Then you can go straight from the freezer to the oven. Now you can have yummy warm cookies whenever you want, or until you run out of frozen dough.
During my personal therapy journey I came up with the idea for, what I though at the time would be the logo of the site, but turned out to be a tattoo. I’ve always seen a lot of people with the double sided candle. The symbolism isn’t lost on me. As I healed though, the idea of one side being burned out really stuck with me as a way to remind myself I have the tools to reduce that feeling of “burning at both ends”.
“Cause my candle burns at both ends
My problems never seem to end
Just like my footsteps in the vein of the American night
Just like the burning in my lungs
Just like the rocks in my guts
Just like I can't get enough” - MLIW - Screaming at the moon
This song always stuck with me. “I drag my chains they don’t drag me” resonates so strongly in my mind. The traumas that happened to me filled me with a rage and since of being inadequacy. Deep inside I knew I carried these things unjustly and could/should no longer carry those “chains”.
The extinguished double-sided candle symbolized my battle with depression and my attempt to heal back to some semblance of balanced. We have a wonderful friend who is a tattoo artists. They’ve had their own struggles in life. I couldn’t think of anyone better to give me a permanent reminder of who I am and how I control my own mind. Money can be a great tip, but cookies are definitely better. I reached out after the appointment was scheduled to see what they would like. This recipe was selected. It was probably the pictures that sold it.
Thanks to such a genuinely nice person I now get to carry a reminder forever that I can, and do, deserve to heal. The “chains” that have held me down were being carried by me. There’s no need for me to carry that burden.
Back to the cookies. I can only say so much. I’m biased as hell since I made them. As Levar Burton used to say “Don’t take my word for it”. Take it from someone who’s had them.
From a killer tattoo artist and great person @tattoosbykelsi:
I love the contradiction of the candle, the cookies, and collabing with eachother. Through emotion, laughs, sharing space, the process of a tattoo, design, and empathy.
The cookies were an incredible gift, when I first saw them, it reminded me of a yin yang! I also felt and tasted a beautiful bond between both doughs. (Doughs plural is funny)
Throughout my personal pain, grief, anger, anxiety, I always see gratitude and a light. Surprisingly. It's a beautiful contradiction. The opposing sides could actually be friends, balance.
I have dark times, but there's light in them, somewhere, and damn, it's hard to even see at times. Sometimes I need glasses.
I loved tattooing you, sharing these cookies with my loved ones, smiling, and silently empathizing with eachother.
You are an inspiration in so many ways and you make people feel less alone.You my friend, are the light at the other candle end.
Ingredients
Chocolate cookie dough
1 Cup of unsalted butter (softened to room temp)
1/2 Cup packed brown sugar (pack it tightly)
1 Cup granulated sugar
3 Large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 Cup dutch processed cocoa powder
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
2 Cups all purpose flour
2 Cups peanut butter chips
Peanut Butter cookie dough
1 Cup unsalted butter (softened to room temp)
1/2 Cup granulated sugar
1 Cup brown sugar (pack it tightly)
2 Large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 teaspoons baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 Cup creamy peanut butter
2 1/2 Cups all purpose flour
2 Cups chocolate chips (semi-sweet)
Instructions
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees
make each dough separately
cream the butter and sugars together on medium high (butter will become pale)
add the eggs (one at a time) and vanilla and mix to combine
don’t forget to scrape down the sides
*for the peanut butter cookies - add the peanut butter now and mix to combine
in a separate bowl combine the dry ingredients
add the dry ingredients and mix to combine (do this in 2 - 3 batches scraping down the sides between each addition)
It’s important to just mix until combined. you don’t want to go crazy here or you’ll create a ton of gluten and have hard cookies
gently mix in the chocolate or peanut butter chips until just combined. (again don’t over mix)
Scoop out 1 1/2 - 2 tablespoons of each dough.
Combine them by rolling them gently together into a ball (this should marble the doughs together)
Place on a cookie sheet
bake in the 350 degree pre-heated oven for 11-14 minutes
remove from the oven and let cool on the cookie sheet for 3 minutes
move to a wire rack to cool
This will make a shit load of cookies since it’s 2 doughs. Anywhere between 36-48, or more if you make them smaller.
Pro-tip - scoop them out, place them on a paper plate. Put that paper plate in a gallon freezer bag and put them in the freezer. Then go from the freezer to the oven. Same temp, just add time (something like 16-23 minutes depending on how frozen they really are. Keep an eye on them in the oven.
