This Is Who I am

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about this. How fair is it for me to hide who I am while saying it’s ok, there’ no shame in asking for help. There’s no shame around stating you have mental health issues. I don’t feel that that is very fair. It feels very hypocritical. If what I’m trying to do is be an example for others and open the dialogue then I need to open and vulnerable like the next person has to be.

So here it is. My name is Jeremiah Best. I’ve been off/on, mostly on, depressed for at least 20 years now. I’ve been through some traumatic events in my life. I have a deathwish at times. It took me a very long time to realize my own worth. I lost a lot of myself to get to that point. I have been fortunate enough to have friends that care and always been there for me to lean on. They are my family. I have good days and I have terrible days. Anxiety and self doubt are large parts of who I am. Music has helped me feel less alone. It’s shown me I’m not the only one dealing with this.

Society and family pressures make it hard to want to talk about this. My family doesn’t talk about these types of issues at all. Society makes people with mental health issues out to be monsters. The reality, like most things, is that if you don’t experience these things you can’t as easily understand what it really is like. I can say that I’m sad, scared, worried, and anxious a lot of the time. I don’t think I should be nor need to be, but I am. I can tell you that I know what it’s like to want to die and what/who is/are the reasons I haven’t done it. I can say that I feel that I have been fairly successful in my life and career at this point, but still worry that I’m not what my company wants and that I’ll be fired tomorrow. It’s hard to have a conversation with someone about what it’s like to not believe in happiness or not want to live or other dark things and expect them to understand. People don’t know how to respond. Some will say that it’s a passing phase and tomorrow will be better. That’s easy to say and believe, but when it’s been 20 years it’s just not the same. I don’t claim to understand what people are going through anymore. I’ve learned, in my conversations with people, that you shouldn’t necessarily discount what someone is saying. You don’t know what they’re feeling or what they have/can experience. If you share experiences it’s much easier to “get it”. I feel like I’m rambling but bear with me. I think the best approach when speaking to people about things you disagree with or don’t understand is to do your best. Listen. Ask questions and stay engaged. Don’t shrug it off or dismiss what the other person is saying. Telling a depressed person to just smile and be happy won’t help. You can lead a horse to water and all of that. Telling an anorexic person that they’re beautiful isn’t going to help them immediately. Try to not judge the other person and just listen. Some times people don’t want advice. They just want to be heard. If we all start listening more first, not passing judgement (I’m guilty), and trying to understand, then I think we can all have more effective dialogue and start healing each other.

My name is Jeremiah Best and I have dysthymia and I want to help us all remove the stigma around mental health issues. I have struggled for a very long time. One of the hardest things I did was to admit I needed help. Even when I did it was even harder to get started. Starting it has been one of the best things I have done for myself. I now want to live. I want to help you live.