Failure Would Have Killed Me

Recently I was baking a cake with my daughter and wife. While preparing I decided to skip the step of greasing the cake pan. It’s a “non-stick” pan so whatever. Then I got lost while putting together the cake. Part of me knew that I should go back and grease the pan. Even just a quick spray of Pam would have probably done the trick. Fast forward, after baking in the oven and cooling, and it’s time flip out the cakes. And nothing happens. Well shit. I run a knife around the top to see if that’d free them up enough to come out. Now is the time where I should tell you these are mini bundts. That means there’s a little post in the middle of the pan for the cake. Back to trying to flip them out again. Still no luck. Now I know I’m in a bind. I try and run a knife around the edge, but still stuck. Then it happens. Pop! “Sweet” I think. Just kidding. One of the bases of the mini bundts popped off and the rest of the cake is still in the pan. I’m frustrated at this point and concerned that I ruined my daughter’s pretty little bday cakes, and the photo shoot I had planned.

In the past at this point I’d be completely losing my mind, and besides myself. The perfectionist, that used to live inside me, would be screaming with rage. This anger would then turn into self hatred that I had failed. Failure was never an option. Back to reality and present times and now I am frustrated that it didn’t work out, but I’ve done so much work that this “failure” (setback) didn’t really get to me. Instead I turned the broken cakes into a different type of photo shoot. One that shows that failures happen. We can survive them. We can grow from them, and more importantly we can celebrate them. If we learn anything from them then we can reduce the impact they may have on us. This doesn’t happen over night. I hope that sharing this will reduce the impact “failures” have on others.

What was learned:

The mini bundts still taste great
I can survive failures and making mistakes
It’s not as important to get things “right” 100% of the time, but instead enjoy the process. I was able to bake a cake with my daughter. Her first one to be exact. She had a ball, I had a ball, and the wife took some cute pictures
This “failure” actually turned into a new a fun type of shoot

Growth is challenging. The rewards are worth the pain and heartache. If we talk about our failures instead of just show the “perfectly crafted scenes of our lives” then we can all learn it’s ok. We will all make mistakes and we will all fail. It’s just a part of life. It doesn’t have to be the part that kills us. We are worth more than that. It’s time to prove that to ourselves.

What can you do to reduce the impact of failure?

Try and be nice to yourself. If others berated you in the past for failing you have to step in and be nice to yourself during your “failures”. It’s time for you to show up for yourself in a positive way.
Acknowledge any shame you feel. Where does it come from and what can you do to help reduce it?
How can you learn from this “failure”?
Can you take it and spin it into a success?
What if you talk to someone about it? If you can’t talk to someone, write about it. Again no one has to see what you write.

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