The Dark Arts Of

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dead_ayeress’ - Lemon Chess Bars

Once I had the idea to do this portion of the site, The Magical Collective, Lauren was the first person I knew I wanted to be part of it. We’ve known each other for 20 years. I’m the God Father to her son. Aside from sharing a story, which really brought tears to my eyes, I wanted nothing more than this recipe. Now I have a whole pan of them and no way to prevent myself from eating them. What the hell do I do now? Ever since she made them for me the first time they’re what I long for when we meet up. She still makes them better than I do.

I can’t say enough about Lauren and the support she’s provided me over the last 20 years. There’s been heart break and loss as well as celebration and birth. I know that if I ever need anything she’ll be there. She has been the first person to bake any of my recipes. I was, and still am, speechless. I felt honored by that, but having her be the first one to share her story is the biggest honor I could ask for.

I don’t want to take away anything from her story or these Lemon Chess Bars.

Check out her story HERE

Tips and Tricks


A few helpful tips before you start:

  • Make sure your cream cheese/butter mixture is SMOOTH before adding eggs. Otherwise, itll get chunky, itll still taste good, but itll be impossible to get your filling smooth after that point. 

  • Roll your lemons! This loosens the segments and allows for more juice. Zest first, then cut and juice!  

  • You do not need to sift your powdered sugar...  unless you wanna be extra fancy, but you do you. 

Finally, I understand that regionally people have different ideas of what constitutes "chess". With this in mind ive provided information on how to get the filling consistency of your dreams.  Ive done it all ways and generally use 1/2 stick (as per below) as it's a nice middle ground, but mostly bc its easier to remember than who likes it which way. That being said the following butter measurements will yield the explained results:

  • No butter-  will give you fluffier, velvety filling. Closer to cheesecake in texture. Doneness will be risen edges with the slightest jjiggle in the middle.

  • A whole stick of butter- will give you a sticky, gooey filling closer to pecan pie filling (minus nuts, of course). Doneness is hard to gauge, as it will still look very liquid in the middle. You will want to bake a lil longer (45 min is usually right on), but ultimately just remove carefully and let cool for at least 30 min, at which point they will set.

Ingredients

Crust:

  • 1 box yellow cake mix (yes, i know its "cheating" but hand to higher powers people will always ask about the crust)

  • 1 stick butter, melted

  • 1 egg


Filling:

  • 1 8oz block full fat cream cheese or neufchatel, softened

  • 1/2 stick butter, softened (or amount chosen from above notes)

  • 1 tsp vanilla extract

  • 1/2 tsp salt

  • 3 eggs

  • 1 lb powdered sugar (or approximately 3 3/4 cups)

  • 2 large lemons, juice and zest

Instructions

  1. Preheat oven to 350° and grease 9x13 pan

  2. Mix all crust ingredients together and press evenly into bottom of pan (i create small lip around edge, maybe 1/4 inch? But def not all the way up the sides)

  3. In the same bowl (no need to clean in between) cream together cream cheese and butter until smooth.

  4. Add vanilla, salt, and eggs. Mix til smooth.

  5. Slowly add powdered sugar in batches until all incorporated.

  6. Add lemon juice and zest. Mix until fully blended and pour over crust (it will cover it completely. Hope you greased that pan, dude)

  7. Bake for 30-45 min (doneness will vary depending on the amount of butter you used)

  8. Remove and let cool completely, then cut into bars.

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